Oh Joshi

So Tink and I have been on the Detox Mission for the last 3 weeks.  We never thought we’d be these kinds of people – y’know: check the label on absolutely everything, annoy the hell out of waitrons asking if you can have the linefish, but no sauce, lightly grilled, no potatoes, oh and hold the chips instead could I have a small duck stuffed with olives, and sit quietly at a bar and order mineral water.  Hell, no – not us.

book1_big But that was before we heard about old Dr Joshi and his “miraculous” Holistic Detox.  So we hunkered down and did the whole thang – no meat, no deadly nightshades, no booze (that was a biggie), no fruit other than bananas, no coffee, no sugar, no dairy, no wheat/gluten…yep, so the 1st question people always ask is: what the hell do you eat?  Thus begins the explanation of how it’s about aligning the PH of the body – sorting those naughty acids out, oh you can eat a mountain of green leafy stuff, and so on.

It was a mission, let’s make no mistake about it.  And man we suffered the 1st week – weird pains, sleep disrupted hugely, detox headaches, cravings (mine was coffee, Tink would dream of toast)…but then that passes, and I must say we’ve both felt flippen awesome.  Like energy bounding around the body, fresh as daisies of the galaxy, good sleep, and a total retraining of tastebuds and things.  It’s been a little boring, the whole regiment, but that’s what regiments are.  Boring.  But otherwise we’ve both been largely chuffed with it all.  (With perhaps the exception of the liver flush drink you’re meant to have once a week – nothing like chugging back half a litre of vomit.  Urgh.)

So the upshot of it now is we’ve finished and can re-enter normal life.  So last night, as it happened, we were at the Suidoosterfees mayoral ball, and to celebrate we had a glass of wine (whoo), and a glass of champagne (whooooooo), and actually ate a butternut/feta concoction that was really tasty.  This morning?  Tink has a stomach ache from hell and roll me over a barrel and paint me purple if I don’t feel like I have all the symptoms of a hangover!

We have been changed, it seems.  And so starts the life wrestle – how far does one take all of this?  Stick to the letter of the law and walk the line?  Or be vaguely human and give in to the wrong stuff from time to time?

And will I get wired from having a cup of coffee?  Hmmm.  I’m gonna go check that one out…

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What’s in a name?

It’s one of the first things people ask – what up with the name?  It goes something like this – Ugly Bob is a character in South Park who appears in Terence and Philip’s Not Without my Anus.  His face is so hideous, it’s like “somebody tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver”.  So Terence and Phillip give him a paper bag to put over his head so he can score chicks.  Which he does, later.  With Celine Dion.

ugly-bob

The kick of course is that he looks exactly the same as Terence and Phillip.  Which just goes to show.

Anyhoo, so at Varsity, this sexy chick drops this as a nickname on me, and sure as eggs – it sticks.  Not “Spikey Bob”.  Or “Angsty Bob”.  Or “Flippen Awesome Bob”.  But “Ugli Bob”.  So Ugli we became.  And here we are, 10 years later, meeting someone…Them: “Hi, I’m Steve – you are…?”  Me: “I’m Ugli.”  Always a brief pause.  A double take.  An explanation.  And there you have it.

Ah, and the sexy chick?  Best ending to a story ever – we married last year.  Hah!  One for the misfits!